"I just thought it might be fun." That's what I usually say after a bad idea inevitably goes awry. That's what I'll probably say if someone asks me why I started this blog. You know, it's a strange thing. I am reclusive and don't like speaking my mind. I bite down my tongue and just give a half smile. Yet, there is a part of me that just aches to shout and make a ruckus if only to be heard. I think everyone feels like that sometimes. I think that's the part of me that had the bright idea of making this blog--the part that wants to be heard and understood. Communication has always been a very important thing for me. I never like to be misconstrued or have my meanings blurred. That's why I tend to choose my words carefully. That's why I prefer writing over speaking--I have more time to choose. It's not about being politically correct. I just don't want to offend anyone.
So, here's my attempt to communicate who I am: Hello, my name is Juan Perez. A very common name, I know, but it's the one I was given and am used to. It'd feel much too silly and contrived trying to call myself something else. Believe me, I've thought about it. I am at the age where I am technically an "adult", but many think of me as a "baby". It doesn't help that I am sometimes mistaken for still being in high school, but it does feel nice to think I still look young. I don't really enjoy the thought of growing old. It's something I have to learn to accept. It's not like I have much of a choice.
I like to think I am a good person.There are some who say I will be going to hell once I die simply because I can't help being attracted to and loving someone of the same gender. I am fine with that. I don't understand how love can be a sin. It's too good and too pure. I am not going to deny myself happiness just so someone will accept me. I'll accept my fate knowing I lived my life as best as I could have.
This is not about my sexual preferences, however. I don't even know what this is about to be honest. Maybe just the notions of a foolish 20 year old will suffice. I feel world weary despite not being old enough to show it. I crave...happiness and a fresh breeze. Maybe time will be kind.